An Apology To My Body

I had this sent to me, long ago. I have saved it and read it over and over whenever I need a reminder of how far I have come. If anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know and I will be sure to give her credit. I have never had a baby, but it is a powerful message to my clients who have, and since are forever unsatisfied with their bodies. The only way out of it is through, when hating yourself doesn't work, try loving yourself. Love Fitbabe...

Dear Body:

I’m sorry that I’ve hated you. I’m sorry that I’ve cursed at you for being fat when 99% of the time you weren’t, and even if you were, it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry that I wished you were different when all you ever were was good to me. I’m sorry that I compared you to others.

I’m sorry that I starved you when you needed food. I’m sorry for punishing you by going without food as a trade off for not exercising or being a certain weight on the scale. I’m sorry that I pushed you to the limits with too much exercise when you needed rest. On the treadmill I would run miles and miles, not in the name of fitness, and you said you couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t listen to you when you were trying to tell me to stop. You asked me for more calories and I said no.

You’ve always been there for me, even when I let you down. I’m so very lucky to have you. Legs: You’ve always been strong and taken me wherever I needed to go, even when I hated the thighs. Arms: I haven’t been too mean to you, but hands; lately I’ve been hateful by saying you look old and worn out. But you’ve been wonderful. And belly: I think I’ve been the worst to you. I’ve hated you since puberty. When you started to stick out and I realized I would never have a completely flat stomach like so many other girls did. I have loathed you for that and I’m sorry. You gave me the most precious gift I could ever ask for: my son,and soon another baby so go ahead and stick out all you want. And to my skin: I’ve been mean to you too, comparing you to others, wishing you were different. I’m sorry, you’ve been great too.

So I now say “Thank you” with all of my heart and soul. Thank you for doing your best all these years while enduring my negativity. Thank you for loving me back when I didn’t love you. And thank you for staying healthy. You are beautiful.

I love you. I really, really do. I love you now more than ever.

Love always,

Me

2016- A Year in Review

Hey there Fitness Freaks! I am not here to talk about my New Years resolutions. Nothing drastic is going to go down on January 1, other than getting up and starting 2017 with the same mindset and drive that I had in 2016. You see, I am a goal seeker, not a goal setter. For me, it is actually very black and white. I choose a goal, and then I go after it like a terrorist with intention and desire. So, I decide, I declare and I deliver. I have no idea how I became this way. I do not have parents who were highly driven. They were very content with a simple and quiet life. To me they are the King and Queen as they are happy and they are not constantly searching for that next best thing. Me however, I am a seeker. I am seeking challenges on purpose that make me uncomfortable. So, therefore, it seems very simple for me to attack a goal.

1. Set goal

2. take the obvious action steps to get there

3. trust the process

4. Do all the FUCKING things that allow me to get it accomplished!

NEXT!

2016 gave me a swift kick in the ass. I had some health issues that negatively impacted my life. I see now that these issues came into my life for a reason. There was a lesson in the madness, and for that I am grateful. These situations happened to me FOR me. So today, instead of talking about setting resolutions for 2017, I would like to ask you to join me in reflecting on 2016 and then ask yourself,

1. What didn't work?

2. What did work?

3. What were your major moments?

4. What can you learn from what didn't work as well as what did work? How can you use this information to set your intentions for 2017? Do you notice any patterns in your behaviors that are giving you blatant clues?

Let's get real, real, real here! From the heart..be honest. Take 30 minutes and sit and answer the above questions, then hit reply and let me know what you came up with! I love a good discussion.

Here are my answers:

What didn't work:

1. Hating myself. NOPE. FAIL. The more I hated myself, the more I hated how I looked naked, the more I punished myself more exercise and less calories, the worse I felt. Don't fucking do this ok????

2. Not owning my shit. Until I got really honest and uncomfortable with my issues around food and training, I was living a lie. I was a fraud. I didn't like how I showed up in the world.

3. Shutting people out. Especially my girlfriends. I fell deep into a depression, which was getting worse the more I would shut out my friends.

4. Being embarrassed by my braces on my teeth. I didn't smile for 2 years. When I stopped smiling, I know this made my depression worse.

5. Training every client that hired me. I know now I can only commit to training clients who I can really connect with. There is always an exchange of energy between every person you come into contact with. Choose carefully who you spend time with, as the wrong people will suck you dry.

6. Saying no to anything scary or that made me uncomfortable. Saying no kept me in a bubble. When I chose to say YES...things changed..that is leading us now into question number 2...

What did work:

1. Loving myself! OBVI! Loving yourself may mean that you appear to be unloving to others at times. This will be one of the most difficult aspects of self love.

2. Training to be strong, and not for a certain look. When I stopped chasing the ridiculous goal of looking shredded all the time, my body started to cooperate and I got leaner and stronger too!

3. Hiring a coach! I couldn't get out of my own way. Hiring my coach Jordan Syatt: (http://www.syattfitness.com/) was a massive game changer. He could see what was holding me back, and my programming is now out of my hands. This may have been one of the best decisions I could have ever made for my health and my business too. Having a coach is making me a better coach. Exercise works better if you enjoy it too, not as a punishment for what you ate.

4. Opening myself up to relationships with men. Sex works better if you enjoy it. Finding my confidence through self love made me enjoy being naked with a man and loving sex! ** even in the backseat of my car- I felt 16 again! ** At 39 years old, having the flexibility to do this is another reason to stay FIT AF!

5. Being vulnerable and starting my blog. I took action and decided to lay all the cards out on the table. I wanted to heal from my ED and obsessive exercise addiction, so I shared my story with the world. It is holding me accountable to continue to stay true to my goals and NEVER GO BACK!

6. Saying Yes...and dealing with it later. It is amazing and liberating. Trust yourself.

What were my highlights- TOP MOMENTS?

OHHH BABY!

1. Ripping my carpet out with Donloree! It was the start of a new beginning and a powerful friendship. Donloree, you are my angel.Check out my girl here: http://www.donloree.com/

2. Hiring my coach. I love you Jordan!

3. Getting to the bottom of my hormone issues. I now know I have a unicornate uterus, which means I can't have children. I have accepted this and feel better knowing that I am totally healthy and thriving even without my cycle. Life is a gift, and my uterus is perfectly imperfect. I really would have never known about this unless I wanted to start trying for babies, which I really am happy was not my path. It would have left me broken hearted. Now I feel so empowered by having this information in my corner.

4. Dating again. I love kissing. I love connecting, laughing and smiling just because it feels good to be intimate and close with a man.

5. Getting a photoshoot after my braces came off with the VERY TALENTED Demetri Giannitsios! He made the vision of my new brand Deanna Harder Fitness come alive, as you can see from the photos on this blog. I can't thank Demetri enough and am eternally grateful! We are now partners for life and I can't wait to work with him again. Check him out here: http://www.demetrigianni.com/

6. Flying to Vancouver to be with a man- SAYING YES TO ADVENTURE! It was exciting and liberating to just be trusting and empowered in my female sexuality. I didn't need validation from anyone. I could enjoy sex and not feel bad for it. Why don't more single women do this? I went in with no expectations which then left me with no expectation hangover. It’s all about that energy exchange. He is a wonderful friend and a super cool dude! :)

7. I auditioned to be a trainer in a weight loss TV show, and I got chosen! WOW RIGHT???? More on that in 2017. But essentially, myself and my client Angie were brought back for a second casting call, which led to signing a contract with Anaid Productions for a TV documentary on weight loss. I again have ZERO expectations and if we get signed on by a major network, then great, if not...I gave it 100% effort and took a chance. Play small, stay small!

8. Starting this wordpress blog. I love it. I love that I found Jill Coleman and signed up for her 6 week online fitness business course and took ACTION! I can't thank her enough. Check out Jill here: http://jillfit.com/

Going into 2017 I am going to stay true to my new found self. I am going to be vulnerable and share stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I am going to keep being loud, and not censor my thoughts or feelings. I will keep showing up apologetically ME. I am not going to hide that I have a fucking sailor mouth. I am going to keep getting stronger and stay true to my goal of #deadlifting 300lb and doing a back squat of 180lb at the body weight of around 120lb. I am going to eat all my fav foods in #moderation365 and drink #wine when I want to in moderation, even if it is 1pm on Tuesday. I am breaking all my former rules and I trust myself that I will be ok. I will show up to each and every client and open my arms with trust and excitement. I will be better than before. I know this. I will keep letting myself love greatly, even if it means I will get rejected again. I am love, and I will always love hard.

So, now...it is your turn. I can't wait to read your answers. Please take the time to write me back and let's get a discussion going. I will answer every single one of you!

Love ya,

Deanna

(Fitbabe)

Fat loss is hard.

Oh hi. Real quick before you become all consumed with the holiday hustle, I wanted to have you stop and take a minute to breathe and check in with yourself and your goals. Fat loss is hard any time of the year, but even more difficult at Christmas. You need to be aware of what is ahead. It is a mindset. Wrap your head around the fact that if you want sustainable fat loss you are going to have to dig your heals in and you have to be resilient and be consistent. What if you just had to focus on two things everyday? I have my fat loss clients only focus on 2 things..getting their protein in and keeping their calories to set number. YES, they need to own their food intake. They need to be accountable. You can't think yourself lean..you have to act as if you are lean and act and live in a way a lean person would. A lean person is aware of their calorie intake and make sure they are satisfied with high protein and satiating foods to keep their hunger, energy and cravings in check.

I can give someone a meal plan all day long, but to me that is not a skill as a coach, a skill as a coach is to keep someone accountable to their goals. I struggle too, which is why I even hired a coach to assist me with my goals. Our thoughts become our actions. If you constantly say, " I don't have time" then yah you wont have time. You need to believe you are worth it, you do have time. What we constantly tell ourselves determines our approach to life. PRIORITIES.

I can help you find work arounds...with food and workouts. Message me or hit reply and leave a comment. I will answer every single one of you!

I love taking action to GSD. #actionoveranxiety #actasif  #focus #onething #chooseyourwhy #habitchange #coachlove #dosomething

Giddy UP. Fitbabe xx

Why do I lift?

So, I decided that whenever I write a blog it is going to be written with brutal honesty. I also decided that I will be authentic and allow myself to be vulnerable. That means that some of you will read this and decide I AM NOT FOR YOU. I am ok with that. I am ok with the fact I may turn a lot of you off, and that is kind of cool because then I know for sure that the ones who are still here are only here because they like me. I am not in the convincing business. I am in the trust business. I think that building trust happens when one is shows up authentic.Who doesn't want to look good naked? Giggle 

Honestly, the number one reason I LIFT WEIGHTS? I love how it  makes me look. Saying that makes me feel silly and vain. But if vanity is what drives me, then so what? I am 39 years old and I feel like other than a few more wrinkles on my face I still look like I did when I was 25. I have just as much energy and enthusiasm for training and lifting as I did when I was 25. It is not by accident. It is because I have stayed motivated to look good, which in turn makes me feel good. The catalyst for me was those heavy weights. The weight training gave me self confidence, the self confidence made me feel good, feeling good made me feel attractive, feeling attractive made me want to keep lifting. For you it may be downhill skiing, or dancing. For me, it was weight training. 

Strong is SEXY AF! 

The second reason I love lifting weights is because I love being strong. Being strong is not something you can go and purchase in a store. You have to put in work. It is done by getting uncomfortable and showing up daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Your body will adapt to the demands you place on it. If you demand very little from your body, then you get very little in return. Being strong also makes me feel sexy. Feeling sexy makes me feel good. So, again, we are back to the first point. When you feel good, you look better. You smile more, your walk taller. You show up to the world better. You can cope with stress better. Being strong is like money in the bank. Invest in yourself by adding more lean body mass to your body just like you would add money into a bank account. 

Wellness > Illness 

The third reason I lift? Because the alternative is illness. I choose wellness. It decreases my anxiety, it builds valuable bone mass, it helps me sleep better, it improves my sex life, my mood, my outlook on life. I love to show up to a goal and prove to myself that I am a person I can count on. I am accountable. Which makes me reliable. All that from 4 days a week in the weight room you ask? Yes, yes, yes. 

A regular strength training program helps you reduce body fat and burn calories more efficiently, which can result in a healthy weight loss. Strength training helps preserve and enhance your muscle mass and bone mass, regardless of your age. So start now. Regular weight lifting increases bone density, which reduces the risk of fractures and osteoporosis. This is really super important to me as I have had amenorrhea for 7 years. (Amenorrhea is the absence of a menstrual period.)

I know the reason I have lost my period is because of a decade of training for Figure Competitions, where I over exercised and dieted too strictly. This caused a lot of stress in my body.  I am currently working with an endocrinologist to continue to help me troubleshoot this issue. The loss of my period also means I am also at risk for osteoporosis, but because I have never quit strength training, my bone scan came up normal last March.

Let's wrap this up!

So ladies and gents, the point is lifting heavy weights has been a gift I have given myself that keeps on giving back to me. I know that lifting heavy isn't just good for your muscles and body composition, it is also good for your bones, your mind and your general disposition.  In order to see a lasting change to your body composition and experience long-term fat loss, you have to begin lifting heavy weights in an intentional way. As you progressively overload your body with more weight, you are requiring your muscles to work harder to lift that weight. This results in tiny little muscle tears that take hours for your body to repair. That repair process means you will be burning calories long after your workout is complete. And, while it may not feel like your weight training workout is burning many calories during, you will 100%  find yourself breathless and burning after a well planned strength training program, I promise!

Whew, that was fun. As I was putting myself on the hook to write this blog, I  reached out to my clients and asked them why they love to train. Here are some of the responses:

"I love to sweat and feel the burn! Makes me feel alive!" -Jessica.

"I exercise because ... it is my therapy. It is my time to put my headphones in, and lose the world. I sweat out all my frustrations, my negative self talk, my worries, my anger, and my doubts. I leave it at the gym, and walk out with a clear head. And I don't leave the gym until my head is clear! The days that I don't want to go are the days I need to go the most!" -Lynnette

"I exercise because I love the way it makes my body feel. I love sweating, seeing what I am capable of, and challenging myself to new things"  -Crystal F

"I exercise because I feel fantastic during and afterwards (usually about 10-20 minutes in, once I am very warm). I get endorphin rushes and like to feel very strong. I also like to have a nice overall shape (ie muscles supporting my back and shoulders) instead of a caved-in or slumping posture." Lianne

**also known as The Feminist Figure Girl

https://feministfiguregirl.com/

So, why do you train? Figuring out your why is so important! The better you understand what makes you tick, the more you will show up to your training. It will become a non-negotiable.

Please leave me a comment and tell me your why! I would love to hear from you. We are all in this shit together. Let's help each other and be awesome! 

Love you. 

Fitbabe

#deannaharderfitness #findyourwhy #health #strengthtraining #Actionoveranxiety #lovehowyoulive 

Picture below...39 years old and loving my body! XDH

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Does wine have a place in a fat loss plan?

Hello everyone. I have always loved to drink wine. It has become part of my brand so much so that I even used wine in my photoshoot to show that I firmly believe in a #Moderation365 way of eating and drinking. #Moderation 365 means there are no diets to get lean in 12 weeks, there are no foods off limits and how one eats on Tuesday is how one should eat on Saturday. This concept was shown to me by a mentor and fellow fitness professional Jill Coleman.  Jill Coleman is the owner of Jillfit.com http://jillfit.com/about/ and has helped me adapt this moderation approach vs an all or nothing mindset when it comes to how I eat and train. But, this wasn't always how I lived my life. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I used to compete in Figure Shows. I did this for almost 10 years between the age of 26 and 36. During this decade of my life there was no such thing as moderation. I would stick to a strict meal plan all year, and an even more strict meal plan 12 weeks out from a contest. When you are dieting for a physique contest every morsel of food had to be accounted for. I diligently weighed, measured and tracked every thing I put in my mouth. If I wasn't prepping for a contest, I was still obsessed with my food. I would have wine on the weekends and count that as my "cheat"meal. I viewed food as good and bad, and wine was bad because it had empty calories and could contribute to fat gain. GASP..oh no!

I could go on and on about that decade, but I am not going down that rabbit hole. Today I want to focus on the transition I have made since my last show. Since 2014 I started trusting myself around food and slowly backed off my obsessive training and yes, I gained weight in the process. But after time my body weight leveled out and I am able to stay relatively lean while progressing in my strength goals. It has been 3 years since I stepped on stage and my weight jumped up from 114lb to 129lb, and now 3 years later I am stable at 120lb, right in the middle. I now eat foods I love daily including my beloved Red wine and it feels so liberating. It took patience, dedication and trust. ** and a lot of fuck ups along the way..trust me. I was a HOT mess**

I booked a photoshoot at the end of Sept 2016 as I felt it was time to re brand my fitness message from a ripped figure competitor to a curvier, sexier and healthier look which portrays how I believe a fit woman in her late 30's should be. I even included wine in my photoshoot as I had a vision. What would attract me to a trainer? Someone who had an unrealistic diet and crazy exercise programs or someone who allows a little freedom in their plans to create sane and sustainable results? Well, you know the answer to this one.

So how did I do it? How did I give up strict dieting and still get lean for a photoshoot?

I am writing this as if you and I are sitting in Starbucks having coffee by the way! Here are the steps that gave me success.

1. I created a calorie deficit by setting my calories slightly below maintenance. Once I had my calories and protein goals in check, I was able to just eat food that fit into these numbers. I had a coach to help me with this too! (I firmly believe even coaches need coaches too!)

2. I trained with heavy weights 4 days a week. Even though I was in a slight calorie deficit, I was training as heavy as I could, and I even got stronger throughout the 6 weeks I was preparing for my photoshoot.

3. I did metabolic conditioning 2 days a week. I love metabolic conditioning using dumbbell density circuits. I would do 4-6 compound exercises in a row for 15 min only resting when I had to. These were Short, Intense and Effective workouts.

4. I made sure to get a ton of sleep and I watched my stress levels. I had a bed time ritual. I would always shut down social media an hour before bed and make sure my body and mind were relaxed. If you're stressed out and not sleeping you will have trouble sticking to your calorie goal. Stress can increase your hunger and cravings, and when you are dieting on lower calories, you want to do your best to decrease hunger not increase it.

5. Once all of the above 4 steps are in place, THEN AND ONLY THEN I would add in wine. I would sub out 150 calories or 36 grams of carbs for a 6 oz glass of wine. ONLY if I got my workouts in, had been getting adequate sleep and if my stress was in check. I found sipping a glass of wine took the edge off my cravings and it helped me relax around food. I am not saying that wine is a magical fat loss food by any means, and for some people it is a trigger food. I am saying FOR ME, wine allowed me to chill the fuck out and enable me to stick to my lower calorie plan. For others they need a single serving of chocolate, a bit of bacon on their salad, or a few bites of a brownie.

There are no absolutes when it comes to fat loss. Every single one of you will have a different blue print. Every single one of you will have a formula that you need to find out on your own or with the guidance of a coach like myself who knows how to get you started. You see fat loss is really fucking simple. The diet industry likes to make it complicated to sell you the next shiny new plan to get you skinny in 30 days. DO NOT BUY INTO THE HYPE. There is a better way if you are willing to put in some work and do it right.

Here are some pics to show you the 6 week progress. Picture 1, August 15- 6 weeks out of my shoot. Picture 2, October 1 after my photoshoot. I tightened up a lot in my opinion. Pictures 3 and 4, well..the finished product as seen on this website..weights to wine!

So what am I doing now? Since October, I have raised my calories and am calorie cycling in order for me to still maintain a lean physique. My body weight is still stable at around 120lb. I train heavy, I sprint or do density circuits often, and I still allow myself to drink wine on most nights of the week.

I write this from a place of honesty and compassion. I have struggled with my body image and food anxiety for over 20 years. I finally have come into a place of moderation and balance. This didn't happen overnight but it is worth the time and effort I promise you.

Do you want to get off the diet roller coaster? Have you had similar experiences with how you view food and exercise? I am here for you. Leave a comment below or email me and lets talk!

Love, Fitbabe

#moderation365 #sustainability #likehowyoueat #weightstowine #actionoveranxiety

The one thing.

Hey everyone. I am still having so much fun blogging over here and have no intentions to stop. I feel like I am a late bloomer with this whole blogging thing, yet I have been talking about fitness and nutrition to people in person for 2 decades. I have mentioned in a previous blog that I signed up for a 6 week online fitness business course called Action Academy. I was taught to take action and use my powerful voice and expertise in the fitness industry to share with people who need help. I did some research by sending out an email to 50 current clients, previous clients and future potential clients asking them this question:

"What is the one thing you struggle the most with when it comes to achieving your fitness and health goals?"

I was overwhelmed with the responses! In today's blog I want to share with you some of the responses. I want to see if you can relate. I also will be using these responses to generate content to begin to help you all with your struggles. I am here to create constant, content, consistently for you. I ask you to read this over and please comment below with your struggles so I can also help you over here on Deanna Harder Fitness. How can I help you begin to change your mindset and start taking action for success?

“What is the 1 thing that you struggle with or that you find confusing about nutrition or exercise or both?"

Angie says: "Exercise:  If I didn't have a personal trainer to help me with a comprehensive workout program, I don't think that I would be able to provide the same level of training on my own. Also,Nutrition: Journaling!  I hate it! "

Rona says: "the number one thing for me is ME! Lol my brain! So much info out there its hard to know what is good/healthy info and what to leave....(eat this not that....do this exercise not this blah blah blah.)"

Vanessa G says: "My 1 struggle is time at the moment. Anything that I do in the realm of health and fitness needs to be efficient and fast. What I find confusing about nutrition and exercise is the dosage of each (and luckily I had your help in straightening me out here…..); how many calories do I need to eat? How much and what type of exercise should I be doing? As you well know, there’s so much (mis)information out there it is difficult to sort through it and find the path that is the most sensible, sustainable and doable!"

Fitbabe here....** I feel you Vanessa..this is a blog I am working on NOW! x

Meagan says: " My #1. Finding the time to prioritize exercise and meal prep "

Vanessa V says: "Staying disciplined and consistant with my eating."

Kissy says: "For me, it’s finding balance and consistency: between doing enough exercise, and overdoing it."

Wendy says: "I would say how many calories you burn during exercise and what to count when you count steps etc. Can I eat more to maintain or lose weight?."

Kaley says: "Hitting my calories and protein when tired!

WOW! I am seeing so many struggles that I am sure many of you can relate to here. I am eager and ready to tackle these issues in my future blogs.

What is your one thing?

HELP ME, HELP YOU!

And, yes, I have put myself on the hook to write my blog on how I got lean for a photo shoot with wine in my diet, and it is NOT what you think! ** no starving and no deprivation here! Coming this week...I am ON THE HOOK!

Oh and side note, I have began working with a Web Designer to help  me make Deanna Harder Fitness amazing. Her name is Alecia Vogel and she is awesome! https://www.facebook.com/aleciavogel So, I am excited for that...yay!

Love ya!

Fitbabe

#SSIF How I do Fitness Plans!

I posted this on my Facebook page earlier this week and felt it needed to be shared over here on my blog! I love it when I hit "send" on a new program design for a client. I sit back, take a big breath and sigh....YESSSS! I vision the client opening his inbox and reading over his new workout and I know he will be stoked to see his new challenges.

When I design a workout...depending on the client I keep the following in mind..#SSIF...

The plan should be SSIF.... S-Safe- individual to the client, adaptable, injury prevention, progressive S-Short- most people do not have hours to train, so I take make sure they are in and out in under an hour. For this plan he would be done in 45 minutes. I also have designed 20 min home workouts for many clients..**who doesn't have 20 min- 3 days a week to devote to exercise? You do, you know you do.... I-Intense...if the workout is short, it better be INTENSE. I want you breathless, I want you to feel the burn...I need you to get a metabolic response. and finally F- FUN. If you look forward and enjoy your workouts you will be more likely to show up. I know after 20 years of coaching and leading people through workouts, fun is why they keep coming back....and also, I am FUNNY as Fuxk so that helps right??? lol

Let's GO!

#deannaharderfitness #privatecoaching #onlinecoach #yegfitness #customfit#programdesign #actionoveranxiety #SSIF #lovehowyoutrain #actionacademy

My Fat Loss Tips

Hey everyone. Let me begin this blog by saying how awesome you are for coming over and checking me out. I have been in the industry for 20 years and am only now realizing how big of an impact the online world has become. Online training is now going to be a massive part of the next phase of my career and this blog is how I am launching it all. I am scared AF! Currently I am enrolled in a 6 week online business course and one of our assignments is to put ourselves on the hook to produce content. We must first "decide" on what sort of information our readers are intetrested in. Next, we must "declare" what content we deem important to our readers, and then finally we must "deliver" said content.

Well, HERE I AM!  I decided based on market research done last week that the number one topic my readers wanted more information on was how to lose fat! I declared on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter I was about to give away my content in a blog, and now here we are...so without further adieu, HERE, ladies and gents, are my TOP FAT LOSS TIPS coming at you now!

1. For fat loss to occur one needs to be eating in a calorie deficit. NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS. "But Deanna, I hardly eat and I can't lose fat!" Really? Well, you are not eating in a calorie deficit then, sorry. However much you are eating is obviously too much for your body to be forced to lose fat. So my first tip is to track every single bite of food that goes into your mouth for at least 7 days! Yes, a whole week. Be honest, every lick, bite and taste must be tracked. I keep it super simple and use a plain old pen and paper, and then I would enter it into an app like MyFitnessPal. https://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/logout. It it totally free and is super convenient. Do it for seven days and then evaluate the amount of calories you are eating that is keeping you at the weight you are currently weighing. Then we can start talking about setting calories for fat loss. Once the calories are set, I would coach you on macronutrients. But, let's keep it simple. Calories are the biggest factor.

2. My second tip is to start strength training. Strength training is the king of all exercise when fat loss is your goal.( well it is the king of exercise for any goal, but that is just because it is my FAV) Building muscle can assist with fat loss as more muscle means more calories burned at rest, thus contributing to your calorie deficit. I would urge you to consult a personal trainer OR hire ME to assist you with designing a strength training program that is unique to your goals and lifestyle demands. It is a NON-NEGOTIABLE in my opinion. Muscle looks so good baby!

3. Stress and SLEEP! So if you are stressed out and are not sleeping, it is going to make eating properly and getting your training in a lot more difficult. How in the heck are you going to have the energy and focus to adhere to any workout plan and eating in accordance to your goals, if you are stressed out and can't even function? Stress can inhibit fat loss in so many ways, even if you are in a calorie deficit. It increases your hunger, it effects your energy and it causes you to crave foods you normally wouldn't. When one is mindful of stress and getting themselves to bed earlier, things just work out a lot better. Fat loss is difficult enough so for sure start to take a look at stress before you even decide to tackle this goal. Is it a stressful time in your life? Are you starting a new job? Did you just have a baby? Then now is most likely not a great time to jump into a calorie deficit and start a brand new workout plan. Maybe yoga, meditation and leisure walking could be a better fit for you now. Just sayin!

4. My next tip is PLANNING. THINK "as if". You need to plan ahead of time what you are going to eat and when you are going to train. You need to think "as if "you are already a lean person and ask yourself what do I need to do in order for me to achieve and maintain a lean physique. Have food prepped or make sure you have researched restaurant meals that you know fit into your goals. If you have to eat out or on the run you can still eat for fat loss ok! Find a gym that has flexible hours, or book a training session with your trainer that you know you will not miss! ( hey, cancellation fee's make one adhere to their sessions! ) Also having someone to be accountable to is a game changer. If training is not in your budget now, purchase a few sets of dumbbells (one heavy and one lighter) to have at home so you can do a dumbbell density circuit as soon as you wake up, or after you get home. EVERYONE has 15 min somewhere to train!

5. The final fat loss tip is CONSISTENCY! Be consistent as fuck with your training and meals. Day in, day out, week in, week out, month after month. Hey now, we all know that life happens, and must happen. Life is meant to be enjoyable and rewarding. However, if you have goals of losing body fat, being consistent over time will be one of the biggest keys to your success. Come up with a routine that works for you. This will take time and practice. Hey and if you fuck up...don't worry. You can't fuck this up, as you can always win by tracking your very next meal, or getting in that extra workout next week. You will never have to start over, you just keep going. Do not be that person who just throws in the towel because they had one bad day. Even the pros have bad days, but the difference is they have a plan of attack to get right back on track. Consistency, dedication and a great attitude is the ticket to fat loss success. Remember, once you have gotten your body fat to a desired level, then the magic of maintenance comes in! Maintenance is a whole other subject, and hmmmm maybe that could be a topic in the near future for me to write about.

So there you have it! Deanna's top 5 fat loss tips. Hit reply and let me know your thoughts. Did this help at all?  Talk to me people...I will answer every single ONE of you back!

Love ya, Deanna... aka Fitbabe.

Rejection

IF IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO. REJECTION IS PROTECTION. Hello everyone. I am going to write tonight about rejection. This actually makes me feel real vulnerable to share, but I am feeling this post will resonate with many of you.

I will start out by saying I have not let any man get close to me in the last 5 years. I have had a lot of "first" dates. When on these dates if there wasn't that BIG rush of chemistry immediatly I would shun them.  I wanted that "love at first sight" feeling. I have had it before and I wanted it again.

I also was dealing with my eating disorder and exercise addiction which left little to no space for love. How could I ever let someone love me if I didn't even love myself? How could I let a man see me naked, when I could hardly stand the sight of my own reflection in the mirror? It just seemed like I was doomed to be alone forever. My eating disorder had a serious hold over me.

Within the last 2-3 years I got help and was able to stop my obessession with exercise and obsessive dieting.  In 2014 I did my last figure competition, and slowly made the transition away from the bodybuilding stage. The only way I was able to do it was by telling myself that the figure stage would always be there and I could always come back if I wanted. Deep down inside I knew I was DONE. I just knew. My body knew. No matter how hard I dieted and exercised I wasn't able to get and stay lean anymore.

I remember the last day I made myself throw up. It was a Sunday night in February.  I was staring at myself in the mirror and looked at my bloodshot eyes. I looked at myself long and hard. I thought to myself..what the fuck are you doing here? HOW DID YOU GET HERE. WHY ARE YOU STILL FUCKING DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? That was it. I looked at myself and felt so bad for the woman looking back at me. She was hurting, she was desperate to stop, she was alone and she was scared. I saw my 16 year old self and thought "what would I tell her?" That was it. I just felt something HIT me, I can't explain it. That was the last time I ever made myself sick again.

I never looked back. Several months later I was scheduled to get braces on my teeth. For the next 19 months I was so insecure as I hated  my smile. I felt I was "unfuckable" now. I had braces, I was 15lb heavier than I was as a Figure Competitor, and I was insecure. Who would want me now? As much as I held it together as a Personal Trainer at work, I was super depressed and had a lot of issues with my body image that I kept inside me.

I had work to do. Hard work. I started to reach out to my friends, and in particular my friend Donloree. We worked together on projects, went for walks,  drank coffee and wine and talked and talked. I started using a dating app, and decided that if a man had a problem with my braces, then fuck him! I faked it until I made it. IT WORKED.

I began dating a man for several weeks. It happened overnight. I fell in love with him immediately. It was intense for me as I was willing to let myself like someone. He made me want to do things I had repressed for over 5 years. He gave me confidence, and I felt desired and sexy. It was that huge dopamine response that I was looking for all along. I was aggressive with my feelings that I was having. I didn't hold anything back. I told him everyday how much I liked him. When it comes to love, I fall hard and I fall fast – if you're on the receiving end of it, you will never have to wonder what I am thinking. I wear my heart on my sleave. I was in lust and it was fabulous. Until I scared the shit out of this man. He just wanted to casually start dating again and he met me and I was "ride or DIE!" He had been married and also been in serious relationships prior to meeting me. He was in "dating" mode. I was in fallling IN LOVE mode. I was like.."if it isn't a FUCK YES, it is a NO"

He wasn't emotionally available for the intensity of Deanna. He was not in the right place for me in his life. So, as much as we were attracted to each other sexually, he was not a match for me emotionally. He didn't want to be in a relationship 7 days a week, 365. So, he told me that and I refused to listen. I was persistant and kept trying to convince him he was indeed ready. That never ends well. It left me feeling desperate and needy.  He would continue to tell me no, he couldn't see me and I continued to come back to him.  I felt like an abused dog who gets kicked by his owner, but still comes wimpering back looking for love.

It took over a month for me to stop texting and tweeting him. It took a lot of sobbing and Alanis Morissette to heal my melancholy. I just didn't understand why this man wouldn't want me? I am successful, attractive, funny, well spoken, educated and have a ton to offer? Why NOT ME?

He told me it wasn't me. I am fine. It was him. He wasn't ready and he didn't want what I wanted. I just couldn't deal with that. I sobbed and sobbed. Everyday, my eyes swollen and my heart breaking over and over again. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is just undeniably grueling. There is nothing worse than feeling like the bottom dropped out of your world and having no one around notice you are breaking inside.

So, yes, I have just been through a break up. It was over as fast as it started. I know that I had to grieve the relationship I thought I MIGHT have had with this man. I have to just keep going. I have to try and see how this situation can teach me something and make me stronger. What did I learn from it? Here is what I came up with.

1. I learned to trust both the pain and the love but let the love be eternal and let the pain be temporary. I will feel okay again.

2. Even on your toughest day, when you feel and look like garbage, someone thinks you’re beautiful. I am beautiful.

3. I loved hard, I loved fast, and I loved with all my heart. I was faithfully true to my emotions at the time. No risk, no reward.

4. I decided to change the question to WHY ME to, Why was I picked to have this experience? That changes everything. It happened to me for me.

5. I learned that it's ok. You are allowed to fall, just as long as you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. It's the falls that teach us how to be better!

6. Everything looks better after a good nights sleep. Everything will always be better in the morning.

7. We’re all imperfect. Your personal journey is imperfect and going to be filled with mis-steps and failures. Just keep going.

8. I was addicted to the idea of love. Love addiction is like any other addiction. You’re filling yourself up with something outside of you. I do not need a man to validate my self worth.

9. If you can't love yourself, you can't let anyone else love you either.

10. Time heals all wounds. Time and DEADLIFTS. Yes, Deadlifts are the cure to everything. HA HA.

So, here I am. Single again. But, I know that this last relationship, no matter how short it was, no matter how tumultuous, was brought into my life for a reason. I will not cry because it is over, I will smile because it happened. I now know that I have it in me to love and let someone else into my weird little world again. The right man will enter my life at the perfect time, and I will be ready for him. I am not afraid to fall again, because I know I can handle anything. I will not break, in fact, come at me, I've got this.

Please let me know how you got over a break up? What did you learn?

Love Deanna

My Fertility Story * originally published on Feministfiguregirl.com

My condition in October 2015- the month I went off the pill. 116 lb

Hello everyone, Fitbabe here. Let me preface this blog with the disclaimer that I am not a writer. I have horrible grammar, my sentences run on, and I write as I would talk: fast, intense and full of curse words. My passion is the physical culture, and the gym is my home. Find me there and you will see the best of me. I will leave the writing to FFG, as she is the professional. Anyway, with that being said. Read on!

So, I am 38 years old. I haven’t had a menstrual cycle since I was 33. I have been on the birth control pill for 22 years. I am single. In fact, I haven’t been in a relationship for over 5 years, so one day I said to myself: ” I am going to go off the pill and give my body a break from artificial hormones, it is not like I am trying to prevent getting pregnant with the non existent sex life I am having.” I had no idea that when I stopped taking that tiny little pill every morning it would bring on the most challenging year of my adult life.

October 2015. I am really doing this. I do not start a new pack of pills. I feel normal. I read everything I could get my hands on about the possible side effects of coming off the pill, notably weight gain or loss, spotting, acne, mood disorders, and depression. I reach out to mentors and educators, including professionals I had met at The Women’s Fitness Summit in Kansas City the year before. They all tell me I should be fine. There are supplements recommended to take post pill to help with estrogen dominance. I decide to take maca root, ashwaganda and rhodiola which are adaptogen herbs to help with stress, mood and relaxation. I can still see my abs and am killing my workouts. No big deal. I do not need to worry. I am 118lb.

December 2015. My clothes are starting to fit tight. I start to see cellulite on my bum and thighs. I NEVER HAD CELLULITE THERE BEFORE? I have not been one to weigh myself due to a decade of eating disorders and body image issues. I weigh myself…I am 122lb. I have gained 4 lb and my body is changing. Still no period and I start to wonder if I made a mistake. I start to double my cardio sessions and cut calories.

January 2016. Happy New Year….to my new BOOBS AND ASS! My breasts are getting bigger, and my ass is now a booty- well to me it was anyway. You see, I had stayed so lean for the last 5 years that my body was not happy with being over-trained and underfed. Even though I had cut calories and doubled my workouts, I was gaining weight. This tells me I had long needed to gain some weight for fertility and health. I speak to my doctor and ask to go back on the pill. She lovingly says that we need to give my body time to adjust. My doctor books me a full body bone scan to be sure I do not have the female athletic triad (a syndrome in which an eating disorder, amenorrhoea/oligomenorrhoea, and decreased bone mineral density are present). I already have amenorrhea, along with the history of eating disorders and over exercising. If my bone scan comes back with negative results, this could be serious.

Here I am in February 2016. I am now 129 lb and feeling awful.

February 2016. I am super freaked out. I can’t fit any of my jeans. I start to panic and immediately hire a local coach and ask to be put on a fat loss plan. She is amazing with me and decides that I need to work on my metabolism and dial back on the obsessive training. I try to resist, but with her coaching I realize that if I want my body to respond again, I need to trust her. I slowly add food in and am eating up to 1500 calories a day, while training only 4 days a week. Previously, I would do an hour of cardio a day and lift weights 6-7 days a week. I never took a rest day. I had been cutting my calories too low. This new plan is good for me. I have injuries and hormones to heal.

March 2016. I continue to gain weight. I am up to 127lb, but I am not going to quit. I listen to my coach and continue to back off my crazy training and let my body enjoy yoga, leisure walking and baths. I hate my cellulite and my belly. WHOSE BODY IS THIS ANYWAY? I do not recognize myself in the mirror. I feel like my body is betraying me. The bone scan comes back normal. I rejoice and celebrate my two decades of lifting weights. Strength training for the win!

April-May 2016. My weight jumps up to 129lb. I only have 2 pairs of nike tights that fit. I buy one more pair of ADIDAS tights that are huge. I dig out an old pair of jeans that were given to me. One of my clients gave me some beautiful clothes that fit me before Christmas, but are too tight now. I feel so gross. My blood work has now been taken 3 times. Full hormone panels. They all come up normal? I am so stressed. I cry a lot. I feel like nobody will ever love me, and I fall into a depression. I stop working with my coach and try to train and eat intuitively. By the end of May, I have cut out all sugar, caffeine, grains and alcohol. I don’t drink wine for 3 months. I miss that the most, but I want to get healthy.

June 2016. Still no period. I return to my doctor and she refers me to an endocrinologist. I book an appointment for July 22. At the same time, I have a pelvic ultrasound where they discover I possibly have a blood clot in my uterus. They can see only one ovary, but I guess that is very common? I can’t wait to see the endocrinologist. I have a notebook of questions to ask. I am also booked for an MRI to get to the bottom of that blood clot. The MRI is on August 22. So, here we go.

July 22, 2016. My body is changing again. My weight drops down to 125 and stays there the whole month. I see the endocrinologist. She is wonderful. She suspects that because I was on the pill for so long it will take 1-2 years for me to get my cycle back. At this point I am so happy that I am maintaining my weight and am back in the gym squatting and deadlifting heavy, that I do not care about my period. However, fertility is a beautiful thing and it is my right as a woman to have it. I start using a dating app called Bumble. I swipe right and end up going out with a few men which doesn’t really go anywhere. I know what I am looking for, and I am not willing to settle for anything average. My girlfriend Chantal gives me a few pairs of jeans, size 27. THEY FIT and they look fabulous. My breasts are full and my bum is round. My bras fit perfectly and I feel sexy. [Aside: at the beginning of this month, I drop a 35lb barbell plate on my foot but the x-ray shows no broken bones. Hooray for strength training again. Still, I am limping and have a swollen foot. Thank you universe for bringing me more obstacles!]

August 2016. I am back full force in the gym. I am eating foods I love and drinking my beloved wine again. I decide to delete the dating app and just meet men the old fashioned way. I decide to swipe right one more time and BOOM I meet an amazing man. His name is Ben and it turns out that he knew who I was. He had seen me in the gym in which I train clients. We connect immediately and he makes me feel so sexy and desirable. All I can think about is what if he sees my cellulite and stretch marks and is turned off? What if my round belly makes him grossed out? I also didn’t previously mention in this post that I have braces on my teeth too. I have had them for 19 months. Ben likes me anyway and insists I am perfect the way I am. Still no period. I am finally sexually active again, but wait now I need birth control. Fuck. August 22 come around. Ben comes with me to the MRI. I am so grateful.

Here I am currently- my weight is stable a 124lb and my jeans fit awesome! My breasts fill out my bra and I am happy.

September 2016. I finally get answers. My doctor tells me I do not have a blood clot. Great. No tumours, cancer, or anything. Instead, she says to me: “Deanna, you have a Unicornate Uterus.” I am stunned. What the heck does that mean? A unicorn? What??

Definition: A unicornuate uterus represents a uterine malformation where the uterus is formed from one only of the paired Müllerian ducts while the other Müllerian duct does not develop or only in a rudimentary fashion. The sometimes called hemi-uterushas a single horn linked to the ipsilateral fallopian tube that faces its ovary.

The doctor tells me that if I do get my period back, I could get pregnant, but most likely would never carry a baby full term. I sit and absorb this information. Am I half a woman? What does this mean? Do I want children? No I don’t, but I want the choice. I will be 39 in just over a month. 39! I am sitting here wondering why this is happening. Why didn’t I meet a man and try to start a family. Would I have discovered this information only after having several miscarriages? It would have been devastating if that had happened. At least I am a strong, capable, empowered woman who knows in her heart that it is ok not to have children. I cry. I have just started dating an amazing man who may want children. Maybe he will tell me it is over. Maybe he will say, “Deanna, I need to be with someone who can have my children.” I am scared, but know I am going to be amazing with or without a man.

I tell Ben. He is the first person I tell, even before my mother, sister, or best friend. I tell him first. He does not miss a beat. He is kind and supportive. When I ask if this makes me half a woman, he replies: “You are not half a woman. You are SUPERWOMAN.”

I could have not asked for a better response.

Here I am feeling sexy finally.

My weight is stabilized now and I feel way better. I have my sex drive back, and am so grateful for this experience. As hard as the last few months of 2015 and the majority of 2016 was for me mentally and physically, I look back and am in awe of how amazing my body is. My body has been beaten down with brutal workouts; it has been underfed and stressed out. I had punished myself for so long, but when I started loving myself it began to thrive.

I get my braces off on Sept 7. I am dating a super HOT sexy man, who loves my curves. I am back in the gym with a new energy and mindset. I am better than before. I have so much gratitude. Life can kick you in the ass and then swoop you up in a cloud of happiness just like that. I still have some time left in 2016 to turn things around, so that is exactly what I plan on doing. Everything is temporary. Happiness is a choice, and today I choose happiness.

Thanks for reading.

Deanna